Flying and children

It's no secret that I don't like kids. However, if there's anything I dislike more than kids, it's whining, screaming, piss poorly behaved kids. So, what do you get if you combine a bunch of those with me and 5 hours stuck in an airplane? Well.....let's just say it's a good thing you're no longer allowed to take sharp objects in your carry-on luggage.

I had to fly to Canberra for work this week. Because there's no direct flights from here (surprise surprise....), I have to do it in 2 legs......here to Brisbane on a Dash8, then Brisbane to Canberra on a 737.

When I got to the airport here for leg 1 of my trip down, there was a woman with a screaming child sitting in the departure lounge. Excellent. So I went outside, where there was a guy with his daughter, who appeared to be hyperactive. She spent the entire time I was out there (some 30mins) running around and around and announcing, very loudly, "THERE'S A PLANE! THERE'S A TRUCK! THERE'S A.....". You get the idea. The guy seemed completely nonplussed by this and made no attempt to control this behaviour in any way, even though the other people (who had also presumably vacated the departure lounge on account of the woman with the screaming child) were clearly becoming as annoyed by this as I was. Unfortunately, they were getting on my flight (as opposed to waiting for someone to arrive on another flight, as I had originally hoped). Even more unfortunately for me, they sat right behind me, whereupon the child kicked the back of my seat for the entire 50 minute flight. The woman with the screaming child from the departure lounge was also on the flight, but thankfully at the other end of the plane. I managed to keep my cool, thinking to myself "It's only a short flight....just ignore it and you'll be rid of them soon."

I changed to the 737 in Brisbane for the second leg of the trip, only to spot the guy and his daughter getting on the same flight as me again!! Not only that, but they sat right in front of me! As if that wasn't bad enough, the woman with the screaming child from the first flight sat right behind me.....I kid you not. I briefly attempted to read my book, but gave up and resorted to using my MP3 player to drown out the screams from behind me.

That was on Monday. Today I flew home.
I boarded the Canberra to Brisbane flight, only to spot a woman with 2 kids, who were already crying, walking down the isle. You guessed it.....right behind me. Fkng brilliant. Then a couple with 2 young kids arrived and started getting organised to sit in the same row as me, but on the other side of the plane. The youngest child was put in the window seat, whereupon the older one immediately started whinging and crying because she wanted the window seat. This eventually became screaming and ranting that lasted for almost 20 minutes. Basically right up until we were about to take off and the hostess eventually came and politely told them to shut the fkng kid up and buckle her into the seat. Then the kicking from behind started again. Fkng unbelievable. Their mother made absolutely no attempt to stop them from kicking my seat, jumping up and down and thumping the window and all manner of other generally irritating behaviour. Then, when the hostess told her to sit them down for landing, they started pissing and moaning, which eventually became screaming and ranting (complete with kicking once more) when they *had* been sat down and buckled in, which lasted until we had stopped at the terminal.
Fortunately, my flight from Brisbane to home was completely uneventful.

I'm seriously considering lodging a submission with Qantas, outlining the utterly piss poor experience I had to endure on their flights and suggesting that all children under the age of 12 should be tranquilized (read: comatose) if they are to travel on aircraft. I wonder how that would be received.......