Friday, November 10, 2006

The mysteries of urinary accuracy.


There's not many things that annoy me, (actually, who am I trying to kid here? Lots of things annoy me, but this one is a real pet peeve.....) but WTF is it with guys who can't manage to urinate without pissing on the floor/seat of the fkng toilet??? Our urinals at work are broken at present, so we're having to use the stalls. Every single one of them has a puddle of piss in front of it that you could just about fkng drown in! How the fk can you *possibly* miss a hole *that big*, while you're standing *right on top of it*?!??!

Is it just the fat bastards who can't see their own penis who are at fault here? Surely you don't need to be able to see it to know which way it's pointing?? I mean, *I* can manage to take a piss in pitch darkness in the middle of the night without hosing the place down and I don't think that makes me extraordinarily talented in any way, so that can't be it.

Perhaps it's the 'gotta shake the fk out of it like I'm being electrocuted' types? A tip for those guys.......did you not notice that roll of paper on the wall right next to you??

Public loos are even's like everyone who uses them has a fkng lawn sprinkler attached to the end of their dick.

Maybe I need to get some signs made up and surreptitiously installed on the walls in there. "Don't Boast, Stand Close" or "If You Can't Slam Dunk It, Sit This One Out" would be a good start I reckon......fkng grubs......


Labels: ,

Monday, November 06, 2006

Joint pain and back pain is bad, mmkay?

I've been struggling recently with some pretty bad joint and back pain. Pretty much constantly since the post I made in March about the wrist pain that I suddenly started getting for no apparent reason. Knees, ankles, name it, it's been hurting. It stopped me from doing anything over the winter, so my muscle tone quickly disappeared and left me with debilitating back pain as well :-(

I eventually got sick of my GP charging me $49/visit to take wild stabs in the dark about what might be wrong with me, so I went and saw a rheumatologist, who told me that my condition is more than likely the result of a particularly nasty gut bug I had back in August last year, the night before we left for a hiking holiday in Girraween National Park (where I ended up with crippling knee pain). A gut bug which.....and there's simply no tactful way to say this....gave me the worst case of the shits I've ever had in my life. For those of you who've seen Trainspotting, the scene with Renton in 'The Worst Toilet In Scotland' was a walk in the park compared to what I ended up with. I was out of commission for the entire 7+ hour drive down there and had to stop at virtually every service station toilet we encountered on the way. Not pleasant at all. But anyway, the other side effect is apparently this crippling 'poly-arthritic' pain that can last 6 to 12+ months! Nice huh? Can flare up at any time, for no apparent reason.....perfect one day, agony the next. A complete pain in the arse (and everywhere else).

To top things off, during the course of trying to find out WTF was going on with my back, I insisted on getting it CT scanned (something that my GP assured me was a waste of time and money I might add.....). I discovered that I have 2 bulging discs in my spine (L3/4 and L4/5), plus 'degenerative arthropathy' at the L5/S1 level. Excellent....*sigh*.

Luckily, the joint pain is slowly starting to taper off. I still can't run, but I'm told I shouldn't do that anymore anyway because of these bulging discs. I've been told I shouldn't really do *any* of the things I like to do (like mountain biking and kitesurfing), but I've been doing both of those and my back pain also seems to be slowly going away......fingers crossed I'm finally coming good!

Moral of the story? Be very careful what you put in your mouth! If it's that easy to catch something that can totally fuck up your lifestyle for over a year, I'm tempted to never eat anything that doesn't come out of a can from here on in!

Labels: , ,